dear childhood.

please stop batter-ramming my proverbial front door. i like my nostalgic excitement in small, regularly dispensed doses. however, today i found out that:

a) there is a 90210 ipod in the market now. seriously. i always wished i could stare at a brooding dylan mckay while cursing the dying, irreplaceable battery of my ipod. i wonder how many of the 2000 limited edition ipods will have "donna martin graduates!" engraved on the bottom. my guess is 1999 of them. there's always a broody rebel in the bunch.

b) so then i find out that i can now download some of the best shows on nickelodeon (EVER) on my new ironically nostalgic ipod because they released HEY DUDE and CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL on itunes. i know christine taylor is a big shot actress now, but i remember her days as melody hanson, working for mr. ernst and watching a girl named brad flirt-fight with ted (btw whatever happened to david lascher?). but we all know it was her turn as marcia in the various brady bunch movie resurrections that truly skyrocketed her to fame. ben stiller be damned.

c) finally, a new new kids (heh) collaboration with neyo will drop on august 12. it's not the catchiest thing i've ever heard, but it'll do. JON I LOVE YOU

gotta run. celine's all by myself is belting out of my tv right now.

my return to the world of work.

loosely paraphrased from a (WORK) email, the reply to which i was cc-ed on yesterday:

"...it was really great to meet you at that event. i'm pissed and a little sad that they didn't serve us the food right away and instead, made us sit through the boring shit before the edible payoff. what up wit dat? my giant ass is still recovering from the numbness incurred by sitting for so long during that FREE dinner.

anyhow, may i request the pleasure of your company during a market visit some time in the foreseeable future?"

this hereby proves that "anyhow" is the universe's greatest single transition word ever. how else could anyone POSSIBLY connect a numb butt memory trigger with a formal visit request?

what a busy weekend means to me.

i finally have my own tv in my own bedroom. it is both literally and figuratively the most valuable thing i own now. and as expected, the combination cable/dvr + bed with memory foam are pretty much impossible to resist. i might have technically been in bed 90% of my waking hours today. that's just a rough (read: low) estimate, though.

i did get off my ass to see the dark knight last night and hence, my latest tiger beat-esque crush was born:

he was the perfect bruce wayne. also, just cause:

oh my.

{source}

that's my dream, too.

just overheard on tv:

(brittany) he was a model for some self-tanning company.
(stassi) NO way!
(brittany nods) he was.
(stassi totally serious) that is like MY DREAM! are you serious?!? he was a self-tanner model!

observe more brilliant conversation first hand on queen bees. but of course, that would mean you have to watch the n.

call me when you need rebuttal tips for when your bf/gf/parent/sib/psycho craigslist roommate decides to judge you.

WHAT.

honestly, how many different BIZARRE things have to come together simultaneously, all perfect-storm-like, in order to make this picture happen?

really, progeny of hulkamania, this is how you want to present yourself to the star magazines of the world?

excellent choice.

{source}

the grossest thing i have ever seen in person.

is it:

a) a man eating on the subway
b) a man eating on the subway with his legs crossed, kind of like this but with his ankle on the opposite knee cap
c) a man eating on the subway who picks up fallen crumbs on said ankle/shoe AND EATS THEM
d) a man eating on the subway who does (c) multiple times and then LICKS HIS DIRTY, SHOE-INFECTED FINGERS (why, all ten of them of course!) once he's finally done devouring his sub
e) all of the above
f) another guy i saw today of this size, riding a (tiny) ten speed bike TOPLESS

if you didn't choose (d) and/or (e) immediately, i really question whether or not you were that kid who needed the one-on-one deodorant chat in fifth grade.

you know what's weird?

for me, it's when you click on a random (seemingly obscure) link labeled soap opera name generator and you go to the spot to fill in your name and the dropdown box indicates that you've already been there before.

it's like déjà vu of the world wide web or some shit.

p.s. my name would be christine botolph-johnson-johnson. i don't get it either.