when headline writers attack.

did you hear? circuit city is (finally) closed for good. 30k jobs lost. good thing it seems to be keeping headline writers employed. creative genius spotted online includes:

Plug pulled on Circuit City
After 60 years Circuit City powers down
Lights go down on Circuit City stores

and my favorite thus far:

Best Buy Says Goodbye to Circuit City

good burn, gizmodo! once down, i also like kicking men. or something like that.

p.s. this cycle of celebrity apprentice is pretty much awesome. and HILARIOUS. and sorry scott hamilton, i usually enjoy your skate america color commentary, but you are just coming off as a BITCH on this episode. team tom green.

p.p.s. (spoiler alert!) scott was fired, but only after he and tom green made a hilariously inappropriate joke on how, between the two of them, they have a full set. sorry for calling you a bitch, scott. talk about kicking down men. my bad.

back from hiatus.

i was waiting to return with a splash and here's what i came up with:

i'm sure hermes is completely pleased with this gratis product placement.

also, i totally met ludacris last night. HE TOUCHED MY ARM.

carry on.

{source}

some sage advice.

{source}

that's my dream, too.

just overheard on tv:

(brittany) he was a model for some self-tanning company.
(stassi) NO way!
(brittany nods) he was.
(stassi totally serious) that is like MY DREAM! are you serious?!? he was a self-tanner model!

observe more brilliant conversation first hand on queen bees. but of course, that would mean you have to watch the n.

call me when you need rebuttal tips for when your bf/gf/parent/sib/psycho craigslist roommate decides to judge you.

the grossest thing i have ever seen in person.

is it:

a) a man eating on the subway
b) a man eating on the subway with his legs crossed, kind of like this but with his ankle on the opposite knee cap
c) a man eating on the subway who picks up fallen crumbs on said ankle/shoe AND EATS THEM
d) a man eating on the subway who does (c) multiple times and then LICKS HIS DIRTY, SHOE-INFECTED FINGERS (why, all ten of them of course!) once he's finally done devouring his sub
e) all of the above
f) another guy i saw today of this size, riding a (tiny) ten speed bike TOPLESS

if you didn't choose (d) and/or (e) immediately, i really question whether or not you were that kid who needed the one-on-one deodorant chat in fifth grade.

trips to the dollar store just got a little better.

america is definitely hurting during the this-is(n't)-a-recession turmoil going on right now but in fabulous (!) news, dollar stores are totally going glam.

honestly, where else can you buy an MP34 player endorsed by katie holmes-cruise sporting the weirdest pseudo-asymmetrical haircut ever?

... or dreadlocks for white guys who are too lazy/yuppie/addicted to combs to grow their own? why, hello there sodapop curtis/sam seaborn/senator robert mcallister. i had no idea how heartfelt your adoration for kris kross continues to be:

and most importantly, here's how angelina manages to keep her waistline in... line.

twins-baby-weight is certainly no match for a magical hovering hula hoop made of giant legos.

{source}

do you look like zach braff?

as far as i can tell, symptoms include:

• xy chromosomes
• of the caucasian race
  
• beak nose
• lush, full lips
• unkempt, mildly greasy hair
• goofy smirk

compare yourself to this brilliant, burgeoning list of men who look like zach braff. wow. you're welcome.

(source)
(doodle source - i ♥ the frontal attempts)

someone dropped the ball.

no one told me that i should be watching design star on hgtv. as a result, i am PISSED because i missed the simultaneously best/most pitiful elimination reaction on tv (click the pic):

for some reason, i want my mommy.

how i found out my dad is not just a fiscal republican.

(on tv, judge judy is yelling about a police officer's right to protect himself)

dad_outburst: WHAT ABOUT REASONABLE CAUSE?!? YOU CAN'T JUST SEARCH WHEREVER YOU WANT! ARE YOU STUPID? THIS IS AMERICA! WE HAVE RIGHTS!

in order to defuse the situation, i had to quickly turn to the animal planet, where we all relaxed via purrfect predators. true story.

i don't even know what to say.

l.a.'s version of the trojan horse, perhaps?

(source)

do rock band skills count?

also, sucks to be graham.

(source)

the yellow penguins vs. the green monkeys.

this sounds like two teams from legends of the hidden temple, but they are actually from "i survived a japanese game show", now playing on abc. i didn't think it was a possible to have a show more OTT than american gladiators, but here it is. it might have something to do with the fact that everyone in the audience has their own tambourine. hand percussion instruments always get the home viewing audience riled up.


select quotes from this episode thus far include:

(re: sake) I was expecting a wine cooler, but it tasted like lighter fluid!

(meeting the mama-san) I am your Mama-san! Not yo momma!

i dare say the opening scene was the best, though.

host: you’re going to… japan!
group of contestants: squee!

(hugging and jumping ensue)
random female maki beast in the back: SUSHI!!!!!

maybe you had to be there. but it was completely amazing. and i'm not going to say that you should watch this show.

also, reverse psychology probably does not work at all.

rock-em, sock-em grandmas.

does one of the following grannies belong to you? if so, you've got the COOLEST, thug life grandma of all time. i envy you for coming from such fine breeding stock. no, seriously.



(source)

remember the (awesome) wedding band from old school?

no? that means you haven't watched the movie nearly enough times. anyway, this should jog your memory:



fyi their street name is the dan band. also, this will also be the only time i mention american idol on purpose. unless something stupendously awesome happens. or a joke must be made at seacrest's expense.

gems from lala-land.

courtesy of us weekly:

McConaughey, 38, was seen "resting in a ditch" before "screaming in broken Spanish" to patrons at the Iguana bar in San Juan Del Sur that he'd lost one of his flip-flops, according to the report.

From Charlie Sheen: "I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings."

also, this just in from miami animal police:

up next, the cat dumper still refuses to accept responsibility for his actions.

busy night.

entrepreneurial innovator of the year.

(source)

dickies get an upscale makeover.

this guy looks like he could be the rare hybrid toeing the fashion meets finance line:


...but just kidding! he totally loses all credibility in both realms when you realize he's just wearing the business professional equivalent of a dickey (technically known as a business bib) over his wifebeater:

SO hawt. i guarantee that the slanket guy makes excellent use of these during his teleconferences with all of those "retailers."

(source)

once you're done with that dogeared copy of sky mall.

apparently the actual entertainment is really in the safety manual located in the pocket of the seat in front of you:

(source)

one hat's worth of sun protection too late.

the handlebar mustache gets me every time.

i am a lazytard.

that is what best week ever branded the target consumer for the slanket. which i declared i was five months ago. which was only renewed after seeing this forbes feature:



comments at the source are also gems in and of themselves, including my personal fave: "it kind of makes the person look like they have given up on life".