the second compact disc i ever bought.

was this gem right here:

favorite tunes included "if it wasn't for you," "love is not like this" and of course the (un)classic, "castles on quicksand."

my childhood saturday mornings regularly consisted of waking up at 9:55 a.m., rolling downstairs to the tv (shocker), turning on saved by the bell and then staying with tnbc through california dreams/hang time/guys next door/nba inside stuff. then i would turn to fox at noon for an hour of wwf, followed by one hour of american gladiators.

you're probably horrified for me. but honestly, it was a BRILLIANT childhood. i feel like it taught me versatility or diversity or something important like that. the wwf montage link above really took me back - it's been more than a decade since i've thought about the big boss man or tito santana. MAN, those were the days. nineties tv might be my favorite tv of all time. except veronica mars. and he-man, master of the universe. and 30 rock. it's so hard to pick just one. how do you pick a favorite child? cause this decision is just like that.

anyway, this was all brought on by this teaser:



yippee!

(my first cd? "everything i do (i do it for you)". i know, i know. but for some reason i really liked kevin costner when i was 11. no, seriously.)

all the single ladies.

fyi - best snl skit of the night:

Bee skit @ (Nov 15 2008)
by thebeyoncenetwork

here's the pre-assignment if you aren't quite sure why the back-up dancers are dressed the way they are:



also paul rudd, i ♥ you.

what i'm currently debating.

for pretty much all of september, i've had to attempt to contain a raging internal debate. i submit my arguments / rebuttals / redirects for your consideration.

so after watching (wasting?) eight hours (minus commercial breaks, so really more like 6.67 hours), i can't tell which cw show is better. and by better, i mean horrifically, train wreck-rubberneckingly awful.

in one corner, there is one tree hill featuring the utter douchebaggery of chad michael murray, which, when combined with his atrociously amazing dramatic acting skill(z) is a potent force to be contended with:

honestly there were SO many pics to choose from to illustrate my point, but this was an immediate fave. anyway, i sincerely feel that i could write for this show. furthermore, my brother's dog could write for this show. one of their current plotlines involves brooke, who started her own clothing line in high school. in tree hill, north carolina.

anyway, clothes over bro's has clearly evolved into a giant lifestyle empire but brooke chooses to keep it real by running the conglomerate from her boutique in tree hill. i know. and then this season, she gets viciously mauled by some random robber at her store, but now brooke's mother is being fingered as the conspirator who sicced the perpetrator on her own daughter. yes, really.

WHAT? i don't even know what i just said. sometimes the words just flow from my fingers.

so in the other corner, we have the young upstart, 90210 (like you're even surprised i'm watching). not only does it lack any histrionic, hilariously poorly acted teen angst like the original, but sadly chris lorenzo (of silk stalkings fame, i.e., the BEST OPENING CREDITS on tv EVER and don't pretend you didn't watch it on USA during summer break) and aunt becky just do not begin to measure up to jim and cindy walsh.

everyone else and their mom has commented on how painfully tiny the 90210 girls are and so i will just add, why does everyone (and their corresponding maternal figures) think eating a sandwich / cheeseburger / other variant of meat between a consumption vehicle composed of two bread products will solve this problem? i don't particularly enjoy that food group all that much, but i clearly don't have the if-i-turn-sideways-i-become-invisible issue plaguing this show.

also, would kelly taylor really be a guidance counselor? AND brenda just happens to be a drama teacher? REALLY? if they bring donna martin back, she better fucking be a special ed teacher, otherwise the whole premise of bring back the old guys will totally be shot to hell.

i will offer kudos for the inclusion of an andrea-zuckermanesque high school student in the 21-going-on-38 character of naomi:

so both shows are currently among my dvr-ed series (in HD, nonetheless!) and i really think i have to cut at least one of them from the roster. you have no idea how busy my dvr is going to be this week (thank god for the vp debates preempting a somewhat significant portion of my queue on thursday). i literally won't be surprised if it becomes overheated from exhaustion.

btw m is always somewhat surprised to discover the dvr light on at 3:00 a.m. on a tuesday night, to which i am like, what? as there's no chance i'm wasting precious primetime recording slots on the latest real world / road rules challenge, though i wholly support the whole mtv-producers-withholding-food-but-still-supplying-contestants-with-booze initiative.

as you can tell, i am quite passionate about the whole thing. so much so that i'm considering adding this to my list of "activities + interests" on my resume. i suppose these run-ons / stream of consciousness are the results of not doing a tv brain dump since the beginning of the fall premiere season.

what? i've been busy.

i watch the olympics for the patriotic ads.

i bow down to the brilliant sports marketing machine that produced the following:





jesus. no one does inspiring, patriotic, i-should-really-get-off-my-ass-after-watching-the-olympics-for-six-straight-hours quite like the badass folks at nike. i heard the second ad before i saw it and the music itself was enough to get me to stop what i was doing and pay attention to the entire ad. in this, the third decade of my life and more importantly, the era of dvr, that's powerful shit. i am proud to be an american.

...unless they are kind of losing or not in the running altogether, in which case i will root indiscriminately for pretty much any asian (team) in the running. those chinese kids really know what they fuck they're doing. my money's on them. unless it looks like they are going to lose.

what a busy weekend means to me.

i finally have my own tv in my own bedroom. it is both literally and figuratively the most valuable thing i own now. and as expected, the combination cable/dvr + bed with memory foam are pretty much impossible to resist. i might have technically been in bed 90% of my waking hours today. that's just a rough (read: low) estimate, though.

i did get off my ass to see the dark knight last night and hence, my latest tiger beat-esque crush was born:

he was the perfect bruce wayne. also, just cause:

oh my.

{source}

that's my dream, too.

just overheard on tv:

(brittany) he was a model for some self-tanning company.
(stassi) NO way!
(brittany nods) he was.
(stassi totally serious) that is like MY DREAM! are you serious?!? he was a self-tanner model!

observe more brilliant conversation first hand on queen bees. but of course, that would mean you have to watch the n.

call me when you need rebuttal tips for when your bf/gf/parent/sib/psycho craigslist roommate decides to judge you.

really, the happiest i've ever been?

so i'm sitting here, pretty much the happiest i've been all week because:

a) so you think you can dance is on and they're finally down to the top 10, and
b) i am eating delicious indian takeout, and
c) my testosteroney roommates are nowhere to be found, so
d) i don't have to watch sports/sportscenter/any variant of espn, and
e) they made them dance to HERO by enrique AND OPEN ARMS AND CANNED HEAT, so
f) i am ecstatic. there is no sarcasm here.

for once.

what is, if you don't know the answer to this, we're not really friends?

{source}

this is not america's next top best friend.

i just finished hauling my life's possessions (i.e., not even half of budget truck's mini movers) to my new place. i got the 360-degree moving-to-nyc experience, parking ticket, "deaf" policeperson-who-couldn't-hear-our-protests and all. awesome. i didn't think i would be laughing today, but some genius compiled the best. montage. ever.



it somehow perfectly captures the spirit of today.

(source)

remember when mtv's 10 spot used to be really dirty?

i remember it as My College Years. my roommates and i used to gather 'round the tv every night like our forefathers clustered around the hearth in the winter and watch undressed/celebrity deathmatch/daria/jackass/real world/road rules/spyder games before we flipped over to upn and the wb for blind date/elimidate/cheaters/5th wheel.

gosh, those were the days.

anyway, some AMAZING person in his/her INFINITE wisdom decided to post season one of mtv's undressed online, seeing as how mtv is c@#kblocking us via dvd. bitches. don't they know that this is gen-y's basic cable version of the red shoe diaries/skinemax? it is also adam brody's true claim to fame:



undressed really reshaped the way i view... canadian tv production. enjoy yourself here. just don't crash it ignoring your friends/family while watching all of the episodes in a row during your last week of freedom before moving to nyc and returning to the working world. i mean, if that's applicable. or whatever.

(image source)

someone dropped the ball.

no one told me that i should be watching design star on hgtv. as a result, i am PISSED because i missed the simultaneously best/most pitiful elimination reaction on tv (click the pic):

for some reason, i want my mommy.

the one woman campaign for sterilization.

this is a snippet from baby borrowers, where young adults try to fathom what it's like to have a baby by... borrowing them. in this scene, the girls have to wear pregnancy suits to a baby care class. drama ensues.



private to kelly from dunwoody, ga: you need to CHECK yo-self before you WRECK yo-self. i'm pretty sure you have to concede the right to throw tantrums once you bring a BABY into the world.

update: make that two women. i couldn't find supporting youtube documentation but if you make the poor decision to watch this show, i KNOW you will agree. fo realz.

holy crap, i LOVE this show.

i humbly present the best routine of the night (read: season). it's the whole shebang from the human interest intro to the teary reaction from crazy mary. you're welcome.



summer = ciao bella + fireflies + so you think you can dance

the yellow penguins vs. the green monkeys.

this sounds like two teams from legends of the hidden temple, but they are actually from "i survived a japanese game show", now playing on abc. i didn't think it was a possible to have a show more OTT than american gladiators, but here it is. it might have something to do with the fact that everyone in the audience has their own tambourine. hand percussion instruments always get the home viewing audience riled up.


select quotes from this episode thus far include:

(re: sake) I was expecting a wine cooler, but it tasted like lighter fluid!

(meeting the mama-san) I am your Mama-san! Not yo momma!

i dare say the opening scene was the best, though.

host: you’re going to… japan!
group of contestants: squee!

(hugging and jumping ensue)
random female maki beast in the back: SUSHI!!!!!

maybe you had to be there. but it was completely amazing. and i'm not going to say that you should watch this show.

also, reverse psychology probably does not work at all.

i am a lazytard.

that is what best week ever branded the target consumer for the slanket. which i declared i was five months ago. which was only renewed after seeing this forbes feature:



comments at the source are also gems in and of themselves, including my personal fave: "it kind of makes the person look like they have given up on life".

summer has officially arrived.

so you think you can dance commenced competition phase last night. wednesday and thursday evenings are now spoken for through mid-august. wet your whistle with clips from season two below.





what can i say? i ♥ choreographed dances set to top 40. i blame it on paula abdul and mc skat kat.

(image via visualpanic)

so i guess there's like a heat wave outside or something.

(paraphrased from tonight's evening news)

roving_reporter: were all area catholic schools closed today?
elderly_spokeswoman: that's correct, because of the heat.
roving_reporter: so was that because it's hot as hell?

(speedy fade to black)

meet the real supreme lord of e!.

amazing. i love you, joel. insert fangirl squee here.

they're not just glorified bathers.

ok. the most RIDONK tv show on right now is definitely groomer has it on animal planet. and honestly, that's saying something since maury is currently showing a behind the scenes exposé of underground teen sex parties featuring a correspondent named egypt.

anyway, i was introduced to this gem by what else? but the soup. btw joel mchale, my mother thanks you. learning is absolutely a lifelong pursuit.



so while i hung out with my brother and sister-in-law this weekend for the first time in months, i made us all watch episode 107 which is definitely the BEST. SHOW. EVER.

however, i think the best discovery was groomer to groomer magazine. because i now feel like i've been living under a rock all my life. prepare yourself for the best cover shoots EVER.

a perfect belated memorial day tribute:

their take on the cw's farmer takes a wife:

harry potter is this dog's bitch. so to speak.

this dog does not feel embarrassed at all. even on behalf of its owner.

this dog, on the other hand, is having an identity crisis. i mean, which pair are its real ears? also, apparently the use of blackface is still acceptable in the grooming community. it's because groomers live life on their own terms. wow.

on that cheery note, hope you had an excellent monday. even if you didn't, fear not because thursday's groomer has it mini-marathon is just around the corner.

while you were channel surfing...

...i was watching ninja warrior on g4 when this magical subtitle popped up on the screen:

g4 is definitely the weirdest channel on tv. one of the advertisements for the channel featured a top 5 foods for vomiting list, which was awarded to yogurt, in case you were wondering. personally i thought cottage cheese was the obvious choice.

anyway, i've clearly been up to A LOT during the past few days. productivity - it's a beautiful thing.