what i will miss about nc.

pretty much just regular access to this stuff at a wonderfully spacious, clean, well-lit target:


just had the one in the middle last night. it has actual chopped olives inside; none of that pureed bland crap that ragu tries to pass off nor the pureed bland crap with teeny bits that prego tries to pass off. the archer farms arrabiata sauce is also awesome. furthermore, if you've made the unfortunate decision of paying $8-ish for a jar of Rao's (no worries since i, too, am a wannabe yuppie), target has done a pretty solid job of replicating it with this line for less than half the price.

i would totally have target's babies if i could.

i have the humor of an 11 year old boy.

generally speaking, i am rather (read: completely) apolitical, which is probably why the only thing i have to say about today's iowa caucuses comes from a late nineties HS memory.

we were reading the textbook aloud in my post-WWII american studies class (don't judge - i definitely used that to whittle away many a hour o' education in my former life). we came across the founding of the congressional black caucus. the person reading aloud didn't know how to say caucus. so the teacher had to sound it out for him. slowly. multiple times. seriously. (big) black caucus.

it still makes me snicker.

pandora's box.

as i was cleaning out old emails, i encountered the best cover letter i've ever had the pleasure of reading. IN MY LIFE. here are the choicest excerpts, with specifics eliminated to protect the innocent (read: completely absurd).

clearly a strong start. i appreciate your meticulous nature and admirable efforts to include specifics. i'm pretty sure you would die to get this job right now, y/y?


i, too, have recently learned "business talk"! but not the importance of it. what the hell is an mba for, anyway? i'm not even going to touch the "relation skills" piece. i just hope you're being safe at those "exhibitions".


i'll say. though with this ladykiller on the résumé, that may be a premature conclusion:


i'm pretty sure all of planet earth witnessed the intro of the Euro, but bygones. too bad that was buried in page TWO of your résumé.

but really, i created this post specifically for the following gem. it makes me sad to think that i may have peaked so early in my cover letter-reviewing career because i'm not sure if i'll ever see anything this fucking AWESOME in a cover letter ever again. it blew my mind.


please note the candidate was less than two years out of college at the time. and that encarta defines a Pandora's Box as either an:

1. object in Greek mythology: in Greek mythology, the jar, later referred to as a box, from which Pandora allowed all the world's evils to escape, or a
   
2. set of ills: the source of a great collection of ills that need not be faced unless an unwise action is taken

that's right, he said UNLEASH. you better recognize.

this is pretty good.

an insult that i, unfortunately, cannot take credit for:

...taken to calling her diamond which she takes as a compliment. Unfortunately it is referring to what a tight ass she is and how if she put a lump of coal in her ass it would turn to a diamond.

do people still tell yo momma jokes? that shit used to crack me up in MS. i still remember the one about rainbows and skittles.

btw, this is only tangentially related to the previous post.

the semi-ugliest dish i've ever seen.

courtesy of sandra lee of semi-homemade fame. or tablescapes, depending on what floats your boat. but apparently i'm late to the game once again. semi-hate for her show is so creative on the world wide web including:

• a drinking game in her honor
• a livejournal devoted to hating on her show
• a video with color commentary and set to music
  

but i'm pretty sure this takes the cake:

i clocked in at 17.

see how you measure up here.

(thanks to m for the heads up)

i am so sad without bravo.

in light of the (infinite) writers' strike, i've had to scout some prospects for the new year. potential candidates include:











plus all of the shows i couldn't find solid visual representation for - miss america reality check, my big redneck wedding, paradise hotel 2 (i can't believe they thought this would be a good idea to revive... now i'm waiting for temptation island 4), millionaire matchmaker... i'm going to be busier than i thought.