dear childhood.

please stop batter-ramming my proverbial front door. i like my nostalgic excitement in small, regularly dispensed doses. however, today i found out that:

a) there is a 90210 ipod in the market now. seriously. i always wished i could stare at a brooding dylan mckay while cursing the dying, irreplaceable battery of my ipod. i wonder how many of the 2000 limited edition ipods will have "donna martin graduates!" engraved on the bottom. my guess is 1999 of them. there's always a broody rebel in the bunch.

b) so then i find out that i can now download some of the best shows on nickelodeon (EVER) on my new ironically nostalgic ipod because they released HEY DUDE and CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL on itunes. i know christine taylor is a big shot actress now, but i remember her days as melody hanson, working for mr. ernst and watching a girl named brad flirt-fight with ted (btw whatever happened to david lascher?). but we all know it was her turn as marcia in the various brady bunch movie resurrections that truly skyrocketed her to fame. ben stiller be damned.

c) finally, a new new kids (heh) collaboration with neyo will drop on august 12. it's not the catchiest thing i've ever heard, but it'll do. JON I LOVE YOU

gotta run. celine's all by myself is belting out of my tv right now.

my return to the world of work.

loosely paraphrased from a (WORK) email, the reply to which i was cc-ed on yesterday:

"...it was really great to meet you at that event. i'm pissed and a little sad that they didn't serve us the food right away and instead, made us sit through the boring shit before the edible payoff. what up wit dat? my giant ass is still recovering from the numbness incurred by sitting for so long during that FREE dinner.

anyhow, may i request the pleasure of your company during a market visit some time in the foreseeable future?"

this hereby proves that "anyhow" is the universe's greatest single transition word ever. how else could anyone POSSIBLY connect a numb butt memory trigger with a formal visit request?

what a busy weekend means to me.

i finally have my own tv in my own bedroom. it is both literally and figuratively the most valuable thing i own now. and as expected, the combination cable/dvr + bed with memory foam are pretty much impossible to resist. i might have technically been in bed 90% of my waking hours today. that's just a rough (read: low) estimate, though.

i did get off my ass to see the dark knight last night and hence, my latest tiger beat-esque crush was born:

he was the perfect bruce wayne. also, just cause:

oh my.

{source}

that's my dream, too.

just overheard on tv:

(brittany) he was a model for some self-tanning company.
(stassi) NO way!
(brittany nods) he was.
(stassi totally serious) that is like MY DREAM! are you serious?!? he was a self-tanner model!

observe more brilliant conversation first hand on queen bees. but of course, that would mean you have to watch the n.

call me when you need rebuttal tips for when your bf/gf/parent/sib/psycho craigslist roommate decides to judge you.

WHAT.

honestly, how many different BIZARRE things have to come together simultaneously, all perfect-storm-like, in order to make this picture happen?

really, progeny of hulkamania, this is how you want to present yourself to the star magazines of the world?

excellent choice.

{source}

the grossest thing i have ever seen in person.

is it:

a) a man eating on the subway
b) a man eating on the subway with his legs crossed, kind of like this but with his ankle on the opposite knee cap
c) a man eating on the subway who picks up fallen crumbs on said ankle/shoe AND EATS THEM
d) a man eating on the subway who does (c) multiple times and then LICKS HIS DIRTY, SHOE-INFECTED FINGERS (why, all ten of them of course!) once he's finally done devouring his sub
e) all of the above
f) another guy i saw today of this size, riding a (tiny) ten speed bike TOPLESS

if you didn't choose (d) and/or (e) immediately, i really question whether or not you were that kid who needed the one-on-one deodorant chat in fifth grade.

you know what's weird?

for me, it's when you click on a random (seemingly obscure) link labeled soap opera name generator and you go to the spot to fill in your name and the dropdown box indicates that you've already been there before.

it's like déjà vu of the world wide web or some shit.

p.s. my name would be christine botolph-johnson-johnson. i don't get it either.

WHAT.

this is like saying marc by marc jacobs is not affiliated with marc jacobs, y/y? also, what does it mean for your self-worth that you are touted as being better than a bottomless buffet?

well in america, i'm pretty sure that means you're fucking golden.

{source}

really, the happiest i've ever been?

so i'm sitting here, pretty much the happiest i've been all week because:

a) so you think you can dance is on and they're finally down to the top 10, and
b) i am eating delicious indian takeout, and
c) my testosteroney roommates are nowhere to be found, so
d) i don't have to watch sports/sportscenter/any variant of espn, and
e) they made them dance to HERO by enrique AND OPEN ARMS AND CANNED HEAT, so
f) i am ecstatic. there is no sarcasm here.

for once.

my new (second) favorite hobby.

this is just plummy as wordart. don't worry, i am also shocked that the words "tv," "television," "reality" and "awesome" are not featured prominently.

the next two represent papers i wrote for a management course on (surprise!) innovation:


and my personal pride and joy (on so MANY levels) - a paper i wrote for an economics course on the hollywood writer's strike of 2007-08:

so in conclusion:

+ rehashing my own pointless writing
+ diverse font selection
+ various color palettes
= FULL of WIN.

create your own word clouds (honestly, what else are you going to do with all of those grad school papers?) here.

{source}

business talk of the day.

from the front page of today's wsj:

One mall owner says he talked to Steve & Barry's about leasing space, but the terms they demanded were absurd. "Leasing to them would have been like bringing prostitutes to a party to look popular," he says. "They might look good, but you're paying for it."

if he means prostitutes with lots of school spirit, i totally concur.

{source}

fratty mcfratterson versus the death stare.

here's a story told entirely in pictures.



dumbass.

{source}

trips to the dollar store just got a little better.

america is definitely hurting during the this-is(n't)-a-recession turmoil going on right now but in fabulous (!) news, dollar stores are totally going glam.

honestly, where else can you buy an MP34 player endorsed by katie holmes-cruise sporting the weirdest pseudo-asymmetrical haircut ever?

... or dreadlocks for white guys who are too lazy/yuppie/addicted to combs to grow their own? why, hello there sodapop curtis/sam seaborn/senator robert mcallister. i had no idea how heartfelt your adoration for kris kross continues to be:

and most importantly, here's how angelina manages to keep her waistline in... line.

twins-baby-weight is certainly no match for a magical hovering hula hoop made of giant legos.

{source}

stupid human tricks.

brought to you by jeff bridges. yes, that jeff bridges.

{source}

what is, if you don't know the answer to this, we're not really friends?

{source}

this is not america's next top best friend.

i just finished hauling my life's possessions (i.e., not even half of budget truck's mini movers) to my new place. i got the 360-degree moving-to-nyc experience, parking ticket, "deaf" policeperson-who-couldn't-hear-our-protests and all. awesome. i didn't think i would be laughing today, but some genius compiled the best. montage. ever.



it somehow perfectly captures the spirit of today.

(source)

if werewolves were tan, bulimic, addicted to meth and real.

this guy is also known as jeremy jackson, who used to be the one and only hobie buchannon:

he had to know nothing good would come from playing david hasselhoff's spawn. meanwhile, scary fact of the day? this guy is TWENTY-SEVEN. lay off the crack 'n' tanning kids!

this concludes the public service portion of this post. you're welcome.

(source)

happy birthday, america.

we humiliate the canine race in your honor.









(all images via flickr)

do you look like zach braff?

as far as i can tell, symptoms include:

• xy chromosomes
• of the caucasian race
  
• beak nose
• lush, full lips
• unkempt, mildly greasy hair
• goofy smirk

compare yourself to this brilliant, burgeoning list of men who look like zach braff. wow. you're welcome.

(source)
(doodle source - i ♥ the frontal attempts)

appropriate work attire, as interpreted by arden b.

apparently if you throw a blazer on over ANYTHING, it counts as work wear, like the jorts/jacket combo below:


also, halter tops proclaim, "i'm dressing for the job i want, not the job i have!"

...particularly when paired with booty shorts.

note that arden b never exactly articulates what kind of work you're... "performing" when wearing these to the "office."

posts like this make me feel way old. excuse me while i go antiquing and shout at the neighborhood kids for laughing too loudly.

(the proof is in the puddin')

remember when mtv's 10 spot used to be really dirty?

i remember it as My College Years. my roommates and i used to gather 'round the tv every night like our forefathers clustered around the hearth in the winter and watch undressed/celebrity deathmatch/daria/jackass/real world/road rules/spyder games before we flipped over to upn and the wb for blind date/elimidate/cheaters/5th wheel.

gosh, those were the days.

anyway, some AMAZING person in his/her INFINITE wisdom decided to post season one of mtv's undressed online, seeing as how mtv is c@#kblocking us via dvd. bitches. don't they know that this is gen-y's basic cable version of the red shoe diaries/skinemax? it is also adam brody's true claim to fame:



undressed really reshaped the way i view... canadian tv production. enjoy yourself here. just don't crash it ignoring your friends/family while watching all of the episodes in a row during your last week of freedom before moving to nyc and returning to the working world. i mean, if that's applicable. or whatever.

(image source)